Sift(ed) — past tense. 1). — examine (something) thoroughly so as to isolate that which is most important or useful. 2). — separate something, especially something to be discarded, for something else. Idea — 1). a thought or suggestion as to a possible course of action. 2). the aim or purpose.
“Everything begins with an idea.” – Earl Nightingale
So often, I wonder, if I am the only one. The only one to think in the ways that I think, to ask the questions that I ask, and why, or notice that which I notice and think of some significance… Are my Ideas sifted, or filtered, and is everyone else’s as well?
I used to think I was just a negative person, both, in thought and spirit. I imagine my body, overflowing with a black, slimy, ooze and it drips from my core. This negativity, causes my body to ache with every, repeating, negative drip, as it builds a home within my thoughts. It was only rarely that I could look at the positive sides of things. But, reminders, can be very helpful in practice, toward becoming aware of these positive moments for yourself. And they say, “Practice makes…”, what, again?
I was on the phone, one day, after verbalizing my negative insights, and I was told by my friend, “Considering all that you’ve been through, you’re not negative; you’re realistic,” from that statement, something stood out to me. A feeling, of some sort. Something I may have missed, perhaps? I thought to myself, “Have I, once again, validated myself as being less than; though I thought, I was just being honest about my particular point of view to keep from depressing the view of my friend, or worse, causing more distress from an already, stressful topic.” I didn’t want to make it worse.
Not once has sugarcoating a hard truth ever helped me. They are said to be “a hard pill to swallow” for a reason. But is this the same for everyone? At the time, I joked about this being the perfect example of someone seeing a positive light versus my negative, oozing one. “See, thank goodness you were here to remind me about positivity,” I said. The conversation ended shortly afterward. Even though I joked, this reminder hooked itself to me and it pulled me toward something.
I want to understand. I want to know. When on a path toward understanding, there is never a straight line to walk leading to your answer, and there is no GPS to follow either. I thought to myself and asked another question, “Had I seen my view as realistic instead of negative, something bad, would I have felt the need to be so disregarding when speaking my thought process out loud to someone else? By no means do I know anything of the truth nor of the future to tell, but something, stands out. An Idea. Factors, like doors, lead me to it. Idea after Idea after Idea… I have been pondering for several weeks now. The Idea. Is there more to an Idea than just having an idea?
There has to be, for me anyway. There are so many thoughts that I have, that then, have many processes to connect to, to link with. Do they correlate, and if so, when, and how? Lastly, how do you make sense of them all, together? Not even to mention, the time of reflection that is needed. The strength to return each correlation. Return it to myself.
An Idea, you say, what is its structure? It’s limitations. Does it correspond with ordinary thinking? For, I, do not aspire to think ordinarily anymore, but I am respectful of some of its purpose. The need for sameness. What gave me the Idea that I am a negative person? Looking back, reflecting, I question the whispers to myself, from myself. The whispers to the little rabbit I used to be, who was thought to be weird, different, and lost.
I thought I was to be punished forever to the unlucky gardens. To see, but never to be heard, or understood. But this whisper continues to call out to me for change. Something is off. “There’s a puzzle piece missing here”, is whispered. No, not just a whisper anymore, but a feeling. A sensation. Many pieces, that are not fitting in perfect unity.
Pieces that cannot and will not be forced by another. They are molded, shaped, and polished by me, my understanding. Yours, are by you and your understanding. Both, in thought and spirit, are where. I do not understand how I came to be. Had the beginning, My beginning, began with my birth, how did I change a thought, an Idea, and think of myself so differently than those around me? I remind myself,
“Do not think of yourself as special.”
Is that negative, or is it realistic?
There was certainly not much speciality in feeling, as if you were the outcast, the black sheep, or just a crazy person. Subjectively speaking, that is. But, I have an Idea. It is to lift the foggy, smudged, one-sided, dark-tinted lenses I have worn for so long. My vision has been blurry. I no longer want just whispers. I want my voice, fueled with confidence in its tone, pitch, and frequency. I will trust myself. I will trust the self I have always known and that has always known me.
We will cut, mold, and polish the clay of our missing pieces. I will follow my Idea to the ends of the world. I will piece this puzzle of mine together in perfect unity. No longer separate and closed off, One will see with glistening eyes and a vision so clear, that having a GPS would be leading off course. The doors are visible. I can see and I can open them. The people are visible. I can see and I can speak to them. They speak back. They can hear me. They can understand me.
You were never alone or different in the ways that you thought, little rabbit. There was no need to hide and shield your voice.
Time can be very intricate in the understanding of it, and yet: Time, is also an Idea. Infinite time. But, we are human, we are said to have finite time. Right? To be finite is to have a beginning. Well, I have another beginning. This new beginning, becoming one hell of an Adventure for this Lucky Rabbit, but, certainly not the first. It is not only amazing how links form, and, link together through time, but it is also quite interesting how an Idea, may link to another. The lens, through which one may view Life or an Idea.
Is it foggy, or smudged? Has it been,
Sifted through?
